Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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