I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
