New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
