dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
