Jerry, you need to find god
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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