you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
