Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
