i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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