Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
