Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
