I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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