wakey wakey hands off snakey
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
