$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
