The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
