YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I need to calm my uterus...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
