I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
