As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
A+ Viking dick
He shit in the fireplace
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
