I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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