Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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