I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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