god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize