I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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