He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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