I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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