Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
