Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Randomize
