capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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