How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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