If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
