she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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