I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
