I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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