She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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