Is it because I queefed?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
