party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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