I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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