hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
