God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
