She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
