Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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