just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
