I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
