It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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