When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Two words: blizzard sex
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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