I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
