I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
smell my finger.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
