There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
