Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
