OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
