i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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