I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My dad just said "fuck circus"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Such a big mess for such a small penis
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
