I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
