Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
