I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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